I'm sure that you are here for a reason and you might not
think it is a good reason but after you read this I think that you will change
your mind. I am a kid who is bisexual. I have not chosen this lifestyle but it
is only something that I know. I know what I feel and I know what I am. It is
You as a parent, brother, sister, etc may not understand
this and I cannot explain it to you. I was born with this; it isn’t something
that I suddenly decided to be. It is very painful to talk about this due to
what has happened to me but it is what I feel and what I am. So I will start
from the beginning.
I started messing around with a guy who I was best friends
with when i was very young. You might think that it was natural since a lot of
kids mess around when they are younger but for me it was different and for him
it was very different. We did this for a long time and when we were a little
older it got to the point where the guy I was messing around with wanted more
than I wanted to give. I am talking about anal sex and I wasn't comfortable
with that. So I told him no.
Every time we messed around he would always push me and I
always told him no. So, finally I told him that I no longer wanted to continue
to do this due to the fact that I was not comfortable with what he wanted to
do. He got very upset with this and automatically I was his greatest enemy. It
finally came to where he came up to me in the hall at school and we fought. We
were taken to the principal's office and he told the principal why we had
gotten into a fight. The principal called my parents and his and I was outted
to my parents.
My father who was always my hero and who was always
basically my best friend flipped.
When we got home my father basically beat the shit out of
me. I was hit in my head and had to be taken to the hospital to be sewn up. At
this point I was inconsolable due to the fact that the one person in my life
that I loved the most had turned on me.
My mother was in shock and could not help me and I ran away
from home. For the days I was gone I lived in an abandoned house. I didn't eat
and basically I didn't sleep. All I could think about was how I have screwed up
my family. Eventually the police found me and I was taken home. My mother took
me out of the situation due to the fact that my father could not seem to handle
either of us anymore. We moved away and my mother and I hoped something would
change with my father.
However, that would not be the case.
When I would talk to my father he would talk to me like I
was an alien. It was like he no longer loved me. I always tried to talk to him
but he would always talk to me like I was no longer his son. Just the way he
talked to me and the comments he would use hurt me deep to the bone. The things
he would say hit me deep in the heart.
This was my hero, my idol, and my father.
I sank more deeply into depression and it seemed like at
times I could not handle life anymore.
One night I was told by my mother that my father had died in
a car wreck. He had driven home drunk from somewhere got in a car wreck
and was killed. My entire world crashed at that very point.
I could not help but think that everything that had happened
to my family was a result of me. I had always thought that one day my father
would get over me feeling what I do and that he would love me FOR me. But that never happened.
In the short time that I came out, I never heard my father
tell me those words that I had always heard from me. "I love you"
never came out of his mouth. I always told him that when I talked to him but he
never said it back. I have been to my fathers’ grave twice now since he passed
and both times I have felt empty. I cannot tell you how much it hurts as a son
to have not heard that from my father before he died. I will always love my
father more than anything in my life and even with the things he did, the words
he used with me before he died, I will never stop loving my father.
I miss him more than anything in my life.
So if you have found this site in your son or daughter's
history or however you have come to be at this site there is one thing I want
you to understand.
We are still kids.
We feel what we feel.
This is not a feeling that we have chosen.
It is something that just is.
We cannot explain it and we need your love now more than
ever. It hurts and it hurts a lot. Please help us to feel normal
at home. Please understand that we are still the same little kid that you
raised. We are still your son or daughter. So love us just like you did before
you found this out.
We need that love and we will still always be YOUR KID.