Paul, 18 years old, says:
I came out to my parents almost two years ago. It was back in about late October or early November of '97. I never have done extremely well in school because I never did my homework. It's not that I didn't understand it, but that I didn't want to do it. I've had a problem with homework forever. And, around that time of late October or early November, not sure which, but, I think it was late October because I think Halloween was soon. Anyways. My grades had been slipping again, but they were slipping so much more than usual. I had started feeling quite crappy since it was not long after my fake dating this one girl at school. I first figured I was gay when I was about 13, when I developed a crush on a guy. At the time, I was fine with it, but decided to wait a while before I tell anyone. Then, during my sophomore year in '97, I started visiting more gay sites, and the more I visited, the more I got the idea that being gay was all about sex. And, that was not what I wanted.
Not ONLY that. So, I went into denial. Got a girlfriend for a little while, and I was absolutely miserable. Then, we just kinda drifted apart, and I was thankful for that. Like I said earlier, my grades were dropping. A teacher from my school had called my mom and told her my grades. And, I was on my computer and she came in my room and told me that a teacher called. Well, I was expecting that huge lecture about homework, again, and her asking why I won't do my homework. I told her I was failing because I hadn't been doing my homework. Like usual, she asked "Why?" and I gave my usual answer of "I don't know." And, like usual, I had started crying in frustration with myself, not knowing why I so refuse to do my homework. So, my mom began guessing, and guessing and guessing... why my grades were so low. She kept asking and my response either "No" or "I don't know"... then, she finally guessed it... "Do you think you might be turning gay?" For a split second, I hesitated on answering it, but, I said "Ye s". And she asked me why I think I might be gay. And I told her I was never attracted to girls, not even the one I was dating. She told me it was a phase, but I kept telling her that it wasn't. Well, it was somewhat emotional, but it was a relief at the same time. I just felt so much better... I could finaly be a little more like myself.
She took it quite well. Even though it really took her a year to get over it all and really take it in. In that years time it took her to get over it, she asked me if I wanted to see a psychologist. My parents, for a little while, forced me to go to chu rch with them to pray that I am not gay. Agh. Lord have mercy, that made me feel terrible. :-) Then, they sat me down again, this time both my mom and dad, to talk about the whole thing. I got irritated and angry in our talks because we were discussing wh y I might be "feeling this way", and I had shouted at them, "This is not going to go away! This is not a phase! I am gay, and that is it!" Hmm... it was emotional indeed, but, I beleive my parents took it quite well, compared to some other really bad comi ng-out stories I have heard. But, now, I feel me and my parents are a little closer to me than they ever had been. Sometimes, I feel like I have the best parents in the world... but, then, who doesn't feel they have the best parents sometimes? ;-)
·Grand Prairie, TX·